Emotions
Setting boundaries without guilt
Guilt after a boundary is not proof that you have done something wrong. How to set a boundary and let the guilt be what it is.
4 min read
Editorial responsibility: Linda Bujitu · Published · Sources and editorial process
You set a boundary and immediately the guilt floods in. As if you have done something wrong. That feeling is real, but it is not proof.
Setting a boundary is not an attack. It is a message.
Where the guilt comes from
If you learned early that adapting brought safety, your body still reads a boundary as a risk. The guilt does not measure whether you are in the wrong; it measures whether something feels unfamiliar.
What you can do
- State your boundary briefly and without lengthy explanation.
- Expect the guilt, and let it be there without reversing your boundary.
- Afterwards, measure not by the feeling but by whether your choice was right for you.
From understanding to practising
Try it in a concrete situation
Continue with Lotte and Karim: explore responses, reflect on your own habits and choose one small next step.
Read explanations freely. A free account is required for course exercises. Video availability is shown on the lesson page.
Frequently asked questions
Does guilt mean my boundary is too strict?
Usually not. Guilt after setting a boundary is often a learned response, not a measure of whether your boundary is reasonable.
Sources
- Walker, P., Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving (2013)
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